The State of Flow
There’s a thin line between creatives and crazy — and I mean that in the most respectful way possible, because I am a creative and boy oh boy, am I crazy.
I have to watch myself when I say this to myself though. I can be extremely self-critical, which affects my work (not in the good way). But each day, I’m learning more and more that when I truly embrace the ‘crazy’, my artistic abilities just catapult out of this world. It’s the maintaining a consistent state of sanity and focus part that I struggle the with the most while in this said state of ‘crazy’.
The Flow State is basically when a person is in their zone. It’s a state of mind that pretty much anyone can or has experienced at one point in their life or another. If you’ve ever binged watched an entire season of Game of Thrones in a day (God bless you if you have) then you’ve experienced the Flow State. In addition to simply being in the zone, the Flow State can also be described as being fully immersed in a completely euphoric and energized focus — essentially doing what you love and being high while doing it. Double the fun, right?
Right!
But…then there’s that manic part that’s also one of the many side effects of the Flow State. Well, at least mania is one of the side effects for me. I could easily be working on a drawing for hours, to the point where my mouth gets dry and I become dehydrated from having gone too long without eating or drinking. I can stay up working on a single project for 10+ hours into the early hours of the morning, feel sleepy, but then not be able to fall asleep once I hit the pillow because I’m still ‘high’. It all sounds completely ridiculous, but as an artist when inspiration strikes, it strikes. I can go for long periods fiending for my next muse, so when it finally comes, well, I just go nuts.
Best feeling in the world.
The problem comes in, however, when it gets control of your life. Here’s another ingredient in a recipe for beautiful disaster: not only am I creative and crazy, but I’m also an 81% introvert (according to 16personalities). What does all this mean?
I pretty much live in my own fantasy world 81% of the time.
To be clear however, I do have a life. I have a great family and a couple really good friends who manage to put up with me. But sometimes I feel as though I can’t give them all the time that they deserve because my mind is in this constant state of ‘go’ all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a good person — as I’m always told. But I feel like I could be a better sister, daughter, friend, and lover if only I could find a greater balance between my hyperactive imagination and my actuality.
People like to talk on the phone. That’s pretty normal. I don’t necessarily hate talking on the phone, but I always feel like there’s something else I could be doing while I’m sitting and talking to someone. My sister loves to bust in my room and talk about random things — and I love her for it. But it’s always while I’m knee deep in a project. It’s not her that’s bothering me. I annoy myself because when I get going, I just can’t bring myself to relax and enjoy the spontaneities of everyday life. Some might say I’m a workaholic or have ADHD or some other mental disorder that probably has gone undiagnosed. I won’t refute any of that because it may all be true.
All I know is, I wish I could get a handle on this Flow State of mine so the people in my life knew and understood that they aren’t the issue and that I do love and appreciate them. I couldn’t be more blessed. I don’t live in this constant intoxicated fantastical state because I’m unhappy with my actual reality. Sometimes I just don’t know how to navigate my reality because of the way my mind works; and so I escape to made-up places where I don’t feel like such a weirdo. When I’m creating, I’m rationalizing my thoughts in a way that the people around me may or may not understand. My work speaks for itself, literally.
As much as I’m coming to terms with the kind of person that I am, what I wouldn’t give to be in a more focused and healthy state of flow, as opposed to a state of constant chaos that makes for some beautiful art, but a (sometimes) sad and lonely life.
