The world would be a way better place if we were all more honest with ourselves
There’s this little word called projection that I don’t think gets the credit it’s due in this increasingly heightened-mental awareness society we’re living more and more in everyday.
First, let me preface with I am not a mental health subject matter expert by any means, so please take anything I ever write about with a grain of salt. It’s usually a brain dump; a very substantiated brain dump, I’ll say, but only by way of my own experiences.
I recently had one of those random and wonderful self-revelatory moments where I realized half of my anxiety is founded on opinions I’ve formed about myself by myself, not the people around me who often become unsuspecting victims to my frequent bouts of low self-esteem.
I literally have to tell myself out loud — like open up my mouth and have a full on vocal intervention with myself (after ensuring no one else is around, of course) — uh, ma’am, you’re lying to yourself right now.
This usually happens whenever I’m trying to convince myself or someone else that my thought process or feelings on a particular thing is, in fact, valid, when, in fact, these thoughts are one hundred unfounded and based on my own insecurities and not … facts.
For instance, I love calling myself an introvert these days, especially during the height of the pandemic when I could very easily hide behind the wall of my emotions because there was an actual physical wall, or barrier, hindering actual human contact. I’ve taken all the personality tests out there, and I think I probably am truly an introvert, but there’s this place deep down inside of me that thinks I use the term to mask not always understanding why anyone in their right mind would want to be around me. I find myself to be a very bland, boring individual compared to most other people around me. But is this true? Probably not.
I could literally spend all day watching movies, or running errands alone, or some other mundane tasks that somehow manages to capture the attention of my overly overactive thoughts. But truthfully, in a perfect world I don’t want to be doing any of that by myself. I just choose to do it alone because I’ve convinced myself I’m the only person alive that enjoys actually sitting through a movie, actively engaged and intrigued; or likes to shop like they’re on the sea-food diet (“see” food or other items and grab as they see something they like); or enjoys doing random stuff around the house like rearranging furniture, just-because.
Just because I think enjoying doing those things as a 26 year old is weird, doesn’t actually make it weird. Something being weird, or great, or boring, or lame, or right, or wrong are completely subjective sentiments.
I’m not perfect, so it’s probably going to take me a bit of time to relieve myself of this personally restrictive kind of thinking, but something’s got to give. It not only demeans me but it pushes the people I love away. Self-hatred is just as destructive as narcissism. Hell, maybe what I’m even trying to say is self-hatred is another form of narcissism — you’re casting your negativities over everything else around you because you feel that way about yourself.
Projections can be positive, I guess. If you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes, it may make you more empathetic to others and evaluate the potential results of your own actions before acting them out. But if you don’t stop, sit down and think about them in a thorough way, you’re not only doing the world at large around you a huge injustice, but you’re gaslighting yourself.
Only a large scale, projection can take on the form of common forms of external discrimination like racism and homophobia; or internal — social anxiety, low self-esteem, body dysmorphia, and so much more. So the next time you want to blame some self-made idea on someone else, walk to the nearest mirror and ask yourself two questions:
- Where is this idea coming from? A place of hatred or insecurity?
- Can it be backed by actual facts?
If you answered ‘yes’ to the first and ‘no’ to the second, let it go. You’re going to do more harm than good. And the world doesn’t need a bigger footprint in the lack of mental awareness department. Incremental changes, no matter how small, can have huge consequences.
Think of it this way — remember the last time you misconstrued something someone said and instead of creating a scenario in your head, you actually asked them directly what they meant and it was the exact opposite of whatever you convinced yourself they said and you feel 10,000 pounds lighter because you were wrong? And as a result, now that person isn’t left in the dark, walking around confused as to why you’re acting all weird all of a sudden. Small example, but a pretty common one, I think.
I hope this resonated with someone. Sometimes it’s okay to be wrong. If the tricks our minds played were always right, what kind of world would we live in? Probably an even wilder one than we’re in right now. No thank-you, God.
